the worst had happened

"the worst had happened. so there will be no more." me



Those who know me, would say im a happy person, a happy girl, some would envy me for things that i own or happen in my life. i let them. i let them think that way of me. coz its better for them. it make them happier, i guess. but in a world where there is nothing but the truth, i would like to look them in the eyes and introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Lara. And you dont want to be me." I'll say that politely.

every time i woke up, that very first time our eyes opened and catch the glare, yes, at that little time when we feels like we don't want to get up, i always said to myself. "the worst had happened. so there will be no more." i made that line up. you don't believe me? well, i sort of read or heard it somewhere. i don't remember. i just remember i liked it so much. it becomes my ritual, my prayer, my spell. with it, there will be no bad things happen, again.

i know most people dont care about me. they have someone they care of. they have their life to think of. their dreams, their love, their sorrows. to be truth, i don't really care about them also. talking about people, its funny how our teacher always says that nothing is impossible in this life. well, those teacher should learn more. there are things that really not possible. one of them is, having the whole world to love you. we cant have that. we're lucky to have one or two people to love us. and that alone is miracle. sometimes, just sometimes, i want to say hello for people at the street.

"Hi," i will say. "Nice to meet you," i will add. "I'm Lara. Funny fact, in Indonesian my name mean sorrow or pain. Another funny fact, i do think it suits me very well," i will continue.

but i will never do that. i know i will scared them away. so i just walk ahead and move on. holding my chin up and a strong walk, giving people the illusions that i have confident. and care less about those happened around me. for people don't care either. i just walk until i really could believe what i said to myself every morning. that very time when i still could not separate the dream and the real. the good and the bad. the life and the dead. that "the worst had happened. so there will be no more," spell.

but somehow, along the way, i know. that you do what i do. every morning, when the sunshine go through your window and splash into your peeping eyes, you say "the worst had happened. so there will be no more," to yourself. then you woke up, heavily.